Data, My brother from another mother (and planet)

My wife and I have been rewatching all the Star Trek series on Netflix. We’ve finished the original series and are now on series 4 of The Next Generation (Henceforth referred to as ST:TNG)

Last night’s episode was “In Theory” where the Enterprise crew encounter strange dark matter deformations in space-time causing parts of the ship to phase in and out of regular space, but for me the episode is more about Data and his first “girlfriend” Ensign Jenna D’Sora.

This episode resonates so strongly with myself. Data is a friend to Ensign D’Sora, as honest as Data always is, not that he can be anyway else (in case there’s some people not familiar with the series or the character Data is a highly intelligent and analytical android devoid of emotion but with a Pinocchioesque wish to be a “real human”)

In this episode, Data tries to respond to the romantic attentions of his colleague. He’s slow to pick up on obvious signals and despite his vast knowledge he seems lost and out of his depth trying to please his partner.

I was reminded of my early dating experiences (or lack thereof) I was woefully ill prepared for the experience. One of my long time college friends still waxes lyrical with much mirth about the time we were sitting in the student campus bar and I was talking to him about how girls just didn’t seem to like me. At the same time, this girl kept coming over and interrupting me, asking me the time, asking me for a lighter (I don’t smoke), asking what course I was on , who I was with etc etc until I turned and essentially told her she was being rude and to stop bothering me and my friend and I returned to my previous conversation about how difficult it was to get attention from girls.. .. .. erm. In hindsight I see where I went wrong there.

My friends (and I had some, a precious few) loved how utterly oblivious I could be. I would take things either too literally or opposite to how they were meant to be taken.

Example number 2. After a late party out of town a female friend asked me if I’d like to stay over at her place. As it was a long and expensive taxi fare home and I didn’t fancy sitting in a bus station for 6 hours I agreed. She showed me to her sofa bed, then pointed out the bathroom and where her room was. I thanked her and made sure I didn’t go anywhere near her room, after all why else would she have told me where it was if not to ensure I didn’t actually mistake it for the bathroom?

I was in my late 20’s when I lost my virginity (not that I was ever really that worried about that) it sort of happened and I vaguely remember being told what I was doing. I didn’t really have much say in the matter. I was TOLD I was taking her home, I was pretty much TOLD we’d be sleeping together and when I told her I didn’t really know what to do (I had book learning and knew the principles.. I lacked “practical” experience) she essentially took control while I lay there feeling a little scared and unsure of the whole thing.

Fast forward many many years and I met the woman who would become my current wife. My wife has since informed me that one of my most endearing features was my openness and honesty. The very first words I spoke to her when we first met face to face (we’d chatted online previously) was “That’s the only kiss I’ll be getting” as she handed me a Hershey’s kiss as a joke (I had developed a cold sore from nerves and blurted out that I’d not be doing any kissing in case I passed it on) She laughed this off and told me later she thought it was sweet and also slightly presumptuous. Of course, back then neither her nor I knew I was on the spectrum. With 20/20 hindsight all these amusing little titbits all coalesce into something glaringly obvious.

Data had problems with his emotions, he would often be far too honest or literal. He didn’t always understand humour or slang and often misinterpreted people’s words and actions incorrectly.

In hindsight I realise Data and I have much more in common than I first realised.

 

 

Everything is Awesome..

No. Far from it. There’s too much hatred in the world, too much bitterness, too much “us and them”. It sometimes feels that the world is a toxic environment covered with stinking quagmires and clouds of noxious gasses. It’s too easy to fall into the trap of thinking everyone you meet is “out to get you” or only looking out for their own interests.

No, I refute this. Constantly assuming the worst isn’t healthy. I’m not a religious person by any stretch of the imagination (I used to be.. but that’s a WHOLE different story) but I must have faith (for want of a better word) that Good (for want of a better word) will prevail over Evil (for want of.. well..you get the picture!)

I like people. Genuinely, I like people. I get odd looks from commuters as I randomly smile at people. A wise old face, a happy child, a loving couple, a unique individual can often find themselves victim of a drive by smiling by this crazy old fool.

I have a particularly odd outlook on life. A personal philosophy I fashioned over many years of feeling different. It occurred to me that we are ALL different which in turn makes us ALL the same. I mean we are all unique and it is this collective uniqueness that binds us all together.

My philosophy is one fashioned from questionable physics and crude mathematics 😉 When you look at the universe from creation to now there have been numerous points where something specific had to happen to end up where we are right now (you.. sitting there.. reading this!) The right atoms had to clump together to form the galaxy, the right lumps of matter had to form to create the protoplasmic Earth. The right planetoid had to crash into Earth to knock it off kilter and give us our moon.  The right meteors and comets had to bombard the planet with the right chemicals to form the basis of life. That life had to survive many extinction level events to evolve. The right fish, the right reptile, the right mammal, the right ape then think to the more recent history. Your great-great-great-great.. .. .. great grandparents had to meet from all the people they could  have met, the right sperm had to meet the right egg at the right time, again and again and again and again down the generations until eventually, you. You right there.. was born. Mathematically speaking the odds of these specific things happening are astronomical. Ok obviously they HAD to happen otherwise we wouldn’t be here. But when you look at it from this perspective you are statistically impossible. The odds of you existing are stacked against you, yet despite the odds here you are. You are as close to a miracle as this mathematician sceptic aspie is ever going to see. And you know what else? So am I ! And your friends, your co-workers, that guy you pass on the street, the annoying politician who everyone laughs at.

We have to realise that we are the greatest treasure this universe will ever have (at least on this unremarkable blue-green planet in the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy) We have to realise that once we’re gone.. We’re gone. Never was there anyone like us before, never will there be anyone like us again. We are irreplaceable and totally unique. And in the grand scheme of things we are mayflies. We flare and burn and go out so very very quickly. Which makes every second a precious gift, every minute a fortune. Not to be wasted, not to be squandered on causing pain or discomfort, but riches to be spent telling others how wonderful they are. Helping the weak, the infirm, the frail and speaking up for those with no voices of their own, shouting down those who will seek to silence others for personal gain.

We must be proud of our differences. We must stand shoulder to shoulder and spend our time riches wisely. We are wonderful. We are beautiful.

I’m reminded of a quote from the movie V for Vendetta. Where a letter from a long departed inmate called Valerie is found and read. The last part sums up my sentiment exactly.

“What I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may not meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you: I love you.

With all my heart

I love you”

Known by many, loved by few.

That’s a twist on a regular diagnosis of ADHD sufferers (something, thankfully, I don’t suffer from) the typical way of describing someone with ADHD is ““known by all but liked by none” which is actually quite cruel if you consider it for a moment.

I read that and considered my own interaction with friends. I’ve only known about my Aspergers for about a year now but as a child I didn’t make friends easily. If there was a pecking order for bullies then I was at the very bottom of the pile. I was bullied mercilessly by everyone including some of the female students.  I had a terrible speech defect (to some extent I still have it, although 47 years of practice means I hide it very well) and kids (being the cruel little monsters they are) picked up on it and all through primary and secondary school my nickname was “Stutter”

Not everyone was a monster or a bully though. There was one girl, Kaye – sigh – I honestly thought we’d marry back then. Ah the innocence of childhood eh! Of course, to marry it is USUALLY preferable for affection to work BOTH ways XD Not being very good at reading emotions I didn’t actually pick up on that. I always got the impression she “liked me” but probably much in the same way as a child likes a dumb dog or cute idiotic little hamster hehe.

Anyway, we grew up. One cannot prevent that no matter how one tries. Primary School gave way to High School, High School gave way to University, and University gave way to the endless trudge of working for a living.

For 47 years I’ve found making (and more importantly keeping) friends very difficult. I’m what can only be described as “odd” or “peculiar”. I’m prone to emotional outbursts and don’t like letting people into my internal “fortress of solitude”. I’m standoffish and shy, bordering on rude at times.

I don’t like social events, I don’t like lots of people milling around or chatting (see my previous post for a recent example) so naturally I don’t tend to socialise much.

The fact that I somehow met a woman who loved me enough to see past my hang-ups to actually marry me is amazing. But she’s a social butterfly. She dances, she goes to the WI (Woman’s Institute) , she has MANY MANY friend who she contacts and visits regularly. Me?  I have her.

Well, ok I DO have other friends. People from University I feel comfortable around. They were my best man and ushers at my wedding. I never contact them, never see them, occasionally I’ll post something on my Facebook page that mentions them but I know they’re there. They’re not expecting me to chat or call. (When I do occasionally telephone I’m always at a loss for things to say anyway XD)

Then there’s my circle of VF’s (Virtual Friends.. a term my wife coined for me) These are people I chat with on Twitter. They have names, they ALL have names, but we don’t use them. It’s all MightyMycroft this and Diceman3000 that or BizarroMan10 the other (Those names are made up btw) there’s a level of detachment about them. Doesn’t mean they’re not important to me. They are. But they’re not “REAL” in the tactile sense. I’ve never met any of them, I have no intention to ever meet any of them, I care about them and their problems. Even going as far as helping them out when problems strike, but they don’t REALLY know me. They know a VERSION of me. Edited and spell checked (mostly) , Puns carefully thought out and delivered with rapier sharp (but controlled, planned and restrained) intellect . They get the cardboard cut-out of me complete with sound bites and bad jokes. They get the image I project onto Twitter. It’s no more me that the image on a movie screen is the actual actor whose movie you’re watching. It’s two dimensional and ever so slightly fake.

I have my wife but am I lonely? Perhaps? Yes AND No. I know that’s a contradiction but I like my solitude. I like going to the movies by myself, I like going to Cosplay conventions on my own. But part of me aches for the connection. I see friends playing online together, or meeting up at games conventions and the likes. I want to be able to share in that warmth but I can’t I’m too isolated. It’s a barrier I can’t get over. I have my soul mate in my wife; I should be content with that.

Sadly part of me is still that 8 year old boy standing on the edge of the playground watching other kids have fun playing chase and wishing I could join in.